Dear Fanfiction
by starpokemon123
Summary: Oh my Harvest Goddess, Alan, Ben, Collin, Daren, Edge, Finn, Nik, Nak, Flak, and Harvest King! Get your facts on the people right, writers! Dear Fanfiction because sometimes we need to explain the truth. Rants from yours truly in drabbles. Warning: People got them rant pants on. Not responsible for tears, crying, murder, or disappearing food stolen by the writer/ranter.
1. Sincerely, The Harvest Moon Cast

**Dear Fanfiction 1**

Dear, Fanfiction

It has been brought to our attention that all of you are evil. We are farmers. We are chefs. We are bar attendees. We are shop owners. We are doctors. We are cats. We are snakes. We are Luke.

Yes, Luke is… special.

We understand, you have imaginations. But is it necessary to change up or personas for some stupid cheesy little romance?

We aren't crazy. We don't just live to love people. You know after a lot of love, our animals would surely die of starvation. The crops will cripple. Luke's axe gets no blood. (Because seriously, why do you think he just randomly swings it around.)

But you know what? It's (not) okay. We understand. A bit. Seriously though? What are Pokémon doing here? What are the characters from Kingdom Hearts doing here? WHY IS SONIC THE HEDGEHOG RUNNING AROUND?!

Sincerely, The Harvest Moon characters.

p.s Just because there's witches and wizards doesn't mean this is Hogwarts.

p.p.s. Hogwarts is that way

* * *

Star: Thanks to the amazing our dancing days for letting me use the idea.

**Read me: I know, they deserve to love and they should! Heck, in most games, you have to get married. But this is for entertainment only. I do not criticize much less flame. Go to my profile. I'm a weird and cheery girl. But I'm writing for the characters. How would you feel if you were in love with one character but they hooked you up ten times more with the other guys on the island? How would you feel if you were in love with smexy Chase and people made you fuck Van. Yeah... So this is for entertainment purposes only. Put yourselves in the characters places. So yes. Please don't rant at me and enjoy the story.**

**p.s I'm mental.**

~Star out


	2. Sincerely, The Harvest Moon Farmers

**Dear Fanfiction 2**

Dear Fanfiction,

We have come here to save the Harvest Goddess. We have come here to save the islands. We have come here to continue the family farm. We have a passion to farm after moving from the main land. Or we are going crazy, seeing little people, seeing goddesses, and now trying to do missions for no fucking reason.

We didn't come here for true love. We didn't come here to fuck a wizard. We didn't come here to get our heads chopped off by Luke. We didn't come here to stab our way into a grumpy cowboy's heart. We didn't come here to marry a girl just because she has a sexy body. We didn't come here to marry sweet little nurse.

We came here to work!

Also, save the Harvest Goddess in most of our cases.

Also, try to avoid the angry dead spirit of our grandfather.

But we can fall in love. Just remember, we have responsibilities. Like with animals, planting, and running away from witches with lizard sandwiches, or staying away from Luke.

Sincerely, the Harvest Moon farmers

p.s We're not crazy. We just see things like Harvest Sprites, a Harvest Goddess, and our deceased grandfathers.

* * *

Star: Review? Lurve you for reading!

~Star out


	3. Sincerely, Molly

**Dear Fanfiction 3**

Dear Fanfiction,

I know I look innocent with my huge eyes. I know I have cute little hands. I know I have that little bob of hair. But you know. I KNOW WHAT SEX IS! I do not appreciate getting hooked up with every guy (girls in a few cases) on this damn island.

I do not have a terrible past. Angela and I are NOT related. I am not related with Kasey. Kevin and I have no relation. I came here to the island because a pesky little harvest Sprite told me tome come and save the island that I have never, ever seen.

Sincerely, Molly

p.s Seriously? Setting me up with Chase? Why? Opposites attract?

* * *

Star: I LURVE Chase. He's my HM lurve! Review? **READ ME: **I am not trying to bash ANYTHING at all. I will not bash specific stories. I HATE flaming. This is also not much of criticism. I just want people to remember the facts, and keep them straight. It's for humor purposes only. Just want to bring laughter to people. ^.^ Have a starific day!

~Star out


	4. Sincerely, Doctor

**Dear Fanfiction 4**

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm Doctor. I have no name. Natsume didn't name me. I am not a guy in disguise hiding from the cops or left my family to help this situation, taking the name Alex. I am not Doctor Alex or Trent's twin. We are NOT triplets. I more professional and handsome than they are. I have known Elli for years. She is not some evil bitch trying to drag me away from your OC.

We're doctors. We stay profession and do our best in our work. So please, I will not fall in love with your OC, Claire, or Jill as first sight.

Sincerely, Doctor

p.s I have standards.

* * *

Star: I'm in love with them all!

~Star out


	5. Sincerely, Cheryl

**Dear Fanfiction 5**

Dear Fanfiction,

I love my brother. I will NOT allow you to pair him up with an ugly girl and get… blach! Cooties!

So if you write a cheesy love sick story about an evil girl trying to get my brother to fall in love with her, I. WILL. FIND. YOU.

Sincerely, Cheryl

p.s But if she's nice and gives me candy than I guess I'm okay.

* * *

Star: Review? Hey, Cheryl. I have candy inside my van c:

~Star out


	6. Not-So-Sincerely, Marlin

Dear Fanficton,

I hate laughter. I hate children. I hate pink. I hate rainbows. I hate colors. I hate bows. I hate happiness. I hate door knobs. I hate love. I hate people who get near Celia.

I like alcohol. I like the hanging out at the Brass Bar. I like plants.

I love Celia.

Pair her up with a lame excuse of a farmer, and I will… let's say.

KILL YOU!

Not-so-sincerely, Marlin

p.s I hate how people don't pair me up with Celia.

p.p.s I'm reading.

* * *

Star: Well then...

~Star out


	7. About to Commit Suicide, Vaughn

**Dear Fanfiction 7**

Dear Fanfiction,

I get it, I'm hawt. But why do you care? Stop writing those corny little stories about me. I will NOT say I love you to a girl I'm dating until marriage. I will not fall for a girl who "wrangles" me. Especially when she's feisty. I like innocent and sweet girls. Like Sabrina.

I wear my hat for a reason. I will not take it off. I love animals more than anything at all, and I have dedicated myself to animals my whole life. I will not just suddenly leave the animal business for a girl I just met.

About to commit suicide because of dumb stories, Vaughn

p.s My past is none of your business, so stop making things up. Do I seriously look abused?

p.p.s Never. I mean NEVER. Mess with the hat.

* * *

Star: Gotta love a feisty cow boy. Not so happy with this one. Might do some editing in the future. Also, I put a note on the first chapter. GO READ IT! I'm get head aches with the people telling they need to fall in love. I get it! THEY CAN AND SHOULD fall in love. I'm just trying to point out that they have another life besides the love life.

~Star out


	8. Sincerely, Selena

**Dear Fanfiction 8**

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm not evil, I swear. Just because Luke and I are canon, and he's the love of your life doesn't mean I'm a bitch. Well guess what.

You took time out of your life and dedicated it to me.

Thank you.

But I prefer getting shout outs for my dancing.

So yeah, I can get reeeeaaalll moody. But it doesn't mean I'm always like that. I can be nice

Why do you think Luke loves me more than he'll love any of you?

Sincerely, Selena

p.s He's (we're) not real, get over yourselves and write a nice story without trash talk.

* * *

Star: Common, sugar babies! Give Selena some sugar! She's pretty awesome in the game. I TAKE REQUESTS!

~Star out


	9. Sincerely, Wizard

**Dear Fanfiction 9**

Dear Fanfiction,

You will not know my name until we get married. There's no reason why you should know sooner.

I really love coffee. But please, don't exaggerated.

I only use magic on emergencies and for good.

I will not try to claim world domination.

Sure, I am one thousand years old. But that doesn't mean I'm a vampire.

Have you seen my skin? I think the mayor's son has a bigger chance of being a vampire.

Also, I am a calm guy. I don't think I'll be leaving my house soon just to go for a fun day at the beach. It'll take a lot of convincing. Sure, I'll go the Starry Night festival.

Don't take advantage that I can see the future and tell who likes each other.

I understand, I'm a handsome wizard, but I just don't like you in that way.

Sincerely, Wizard

p.s How do you know my house smells like coffee, creep.

* * *

Star: Yeah… I've never really been friends with Gale/Wizards in Animal Parade, and I can tell this is way off his character. This was a request from GMW. I do take requests. I just already have like five chapters written in advance. So requests might take a while to get uploaded.

~Star out


	10. Sincerely, Gill

Dear Fanfiction,

It has been brought to my attention that some of you out there are idiots.

I'm saying some because I don't stereotype. I am soon going to be mayor, and I like to read about the citizens since I don't like to socialize.

Now that I have read/skimmed your stories, let me just say that I'd rather talk to Luke, attempt to teach Luke some manners, have my father read me a book, and burn all my _journals_ than read another one of your wretched stories again.

First of all, do you seriously think I'd go live with the new farm girl and leave my father alone at home and giving up a life of luxury all while risking my father burning down the house while being stuck in the chimney because he thought that if set a fire, he'd sweat and slide out because of love at first sight?

I don't think so. Sure, maybe I can fall in love. But it'll take some time. I do have heart. That's what mother tells me. She tells me that all the time. Yes, I am aware that my mother is dead.

I have no reason to explain it to some mere weird farm girl.

Also, I have no reason to being making out with a bar chef. I'd rather kiss that weird girl at the jewelry store with purple hair, red lipstick, no sense in fashion, and highlights.

Sincerely, Gill Hamilton

p.s I'm not a vampire. It's tomato juice you imbeciles… I'm serious. If we were vampires, explain my mother's death.

* * *

Star: I have never been into vampire shit, so I'm sorry if vampires can die. This was the special chapter tenth chapter. Gill, get in the van. I have bloo- I mean tomato juice.

~Star out


	11. Sincerely, Mary

Dear Fanfiction,

I don't understand what I ever did wrong. I'm just a simple librarian who loves reading romance novels on my free time.

Why am I considered so evil and annoying? I honestly won't drag Gray away if that's what you mean. I think we should all be happy.

So I'm sorry if I have angered you, but please do not write horrid things about me.

Sincerely, Mary

* * *

Star: This was requested by TheSoundofMusic like twice. xD I also wanted to so yeah. Common, Mary, get in the van. I got books! Why do people hate Mary? She's adorable! Like Sabrina. Sabrina, get in the van. I have Vaughn.

~Star out


	12. Sincerely, Romana

**Dear Fanfiction 12**

Dear Fanfiction,

I am not an evil hag who forces my granddaughter into piano playing. She plays the piano herself. I just wave my cane along with the music.

No, I do not hit Lumina with the cane. I'm ill.

She is my blood, and she is my lovely and innocent granddaughter.

I am an old, rich, and classy lady.

Also, I do not have random… associations with Sebatian.

We're 70 years old and ready to go to the grave.

Not 20 years old and ready to come out of a cake.

Sincerely, Romana

* * *

Star: I literally googled fancy words for hookup. If I become a teacher and we're learning about synonyms , I'd make hookup a vocabulary word c:

Lilly: Yup, you're going to jail.

Star: Shut up, Lilly. You have nerve to show your face just now, so do you Billy!

Billy: -shrug-

Lilly: I was faking giving birth, sorry.

Billy: I actually believed she was giving birth -_-

~Star out


	13. Sincerely, Dachan the Teddy Bear

**Dear Fanfiction 13**

Dear Fanfiction,

Tell anyone or make anybody notice I'm alive…

I will kill you.

Nobody would believe it was me.

Sincerely, Dachan the Teddy Bear

* * *

Star: -shrug- It was number 13. That number gives me the creeps. Hey kids, get in the van. I got possessed teddy bears :D ~ Van the sales man. Or me. MWUAHAHAHA -rape face-

~Star out


	14. Sincurly, Luke

**Dear Fanfiction 14**

Dear Fanfiction,

Did you know that the fict in fanfiction sounds like fuck? Talking about fucks, it's not cool when you make me fuck my best friends, bro. Sorry, I don't know what runs through your wet teenage mind but it ain't cool.

It's _extreme(ly awkward)_

Your an idiot… I need to go sharpen my axe. Gotta go do some practice swings in the middle of the streets where I could suddenly randomly kill someone because its extreme even though I could end up killing someone just like my old man says I might do.

So kids, that is how I killed your potential mother.

Anyways, I actually like a girl with feisty attitudes. Why do you think I officially married Selena? After all, I did propose to her at the bar when I was drinking with Owen. I wasn't that drunk.

It is love.

That's why I don't eat pineapples. Don't wanna risk eating Spongebob.

Also, I'm not that of a man child. Like ugh, how disgusting would that be. A short kid with a blue beard with a beer belly. Am I honestly that hideous I get called a man children?

SPRITE RANGER, FORCE!

Yeaaahh.

How many a's and h's are in yeaaahhh? I think I'm spelling that wrong. Your no help.

I like bananas and spinish.

Sincurly, Luke

* * *

Star: Bad grammar, random writings, run on sentence, and makes no sense at all.

Lilly: Luke wrote it? Yup. Makes sense. The letter reminds me of Star's love life.

Star: What love life?

Lilly: The one with your boyfriend who is the hospital, suffering a bad case of non-existense.

Star: I know right!

Lilly: Either that or Star gave him aids.

Star: -_-

~Star out


	15. Murrey Was Here

…

* * *

Star: This was written by Murrey who needs a ride back to Popo Valley. He doesn't know how to write, so I told him to just write … so this still counts as a chapter c:! NO, MURREY! GET OUT OF THE VA- NO! I WILL NOT TAKE YOU TO POPO VALLEY!

~Star out


	16. Sincerely, Witch Princess

**Dear Fanfiction 16**

Dear Fanfiction,

I am NOT weak. I am not that powerful. I am not _that_ gorgeous.

The Harvest Goddess is weak which explains why people save her. She isn't all that powerful which explains why people save her. She is NOT gorgeous at all. I mean, have you seen what the slut wears?

I won't just cower down, and tell people about my life because I fell in love with them. A human. Human and I. In love. Please, I've been single for … many years.

If we do fall in love, I have no reason to trust them with my past. What past? Oh yeah.

THE ONE YOU MADE UP!

I have no children what so ever. Witchkins IS my NEICE.

I spend my time on spells, plotting to destroy the Harvest Goddess (tell her and I will turn you into an animal!), collecting teddy bears, and hiding frogs.

NOT telling a farmer dude I just met how weak and frail I am.

Because I'm not.

I will crush you all who make me look like a weak character!

Sincerely, Witch Princess

p.s Remember, I know how to cast spells on people, you dumb writers

* * *

Star: She reminds me of me. Get in the van, Witchkins. I got me some frogs! -pedo bear face- See what I did there?

~Star out


	17. Sincerely, your deceased Grandfather

**Dear Fanfiction 17**

Dear Fanfiction,

GET TO WORK AND STOP READING THESE STUPID THINGS!

Farm ain't gonna run itself.

Sincerely, your loving and deceased Grandfather

* * *

Star: -insert troll face here- Teehee. Now get in the van before gramp's ghost catches us o.o I TAKE REQUESTS! IF I can do them.

~Star out


	18. Sincerely, Cliff

**Dear Fanfiction 18**

Dear Fanficton,

I sit in a church a lot, but it doesn't mean it's to mourn the death of my parents. Maybe I just like to thank the Harvest Goddess for helping me. Seriously, I am not related to Ray. We're similar looking because Natsume is lazy.

Also, do I look gay?

What is wrong you people hooking me up with Gray? It's like… seriously? I'm perfectly straight, and MY LONG HAIR DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!

Also, I'm not too sensitive. Sure, I get sad. But is it necessary to invent a tragic past that like HAUNTS me for life?

Seriously, BE REALISTIC!

Also, I like hard working girls. I can tell after a few dates or conversations. I will NOT automatically love them because the "Harvest Goddess" sent her to me as a signal that I supposedly asked for. HER not HIM.

Sincerely, Cliff

* * *

Star: NOT ONCE. EVER. Have I talked to Cliff. So I did my best research on him, and tried to get this correct. Well, looks like I'm a hypocrite. I just wrote someone out of character. -_- Cliff, get in the van. We're about to commit suicide for being so stupid by driving off a cliff. (Suicide isn't a joke.)

~Star out


	19. Sincerely, Maya

**Dear Fanfiction 19**

Dear Fanfiction,

WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU STEAL CHASE FROM ME?! WHO IS GOING TO GIVE ME FOOD?!

Well, it's fine with me. But at least leave the key under your mat, so I can sneak into Molly/Angela/Gill's house and get some of the food.

YAAY! HEART! HEART!

But am I that bitchy? I just want to be loved by someone that's not my mom, dad, and grandma. Is that so much to ask for? I really want to make friends. Especially with the new people. ^.^

Yay! New friends! It'll also be nice if you can you know, stop poisoning people with my food.

Sincerely, Maya.

p.s It's not THAT bad. Is it?

* * *

Star: I hate Maya. I'm a Chase girl. C: Wrote this for Illusion of Dawn! Maya, get in the white van that is headed towards that cliff that's about to explode. It has an all you can eat buffet inside. C: -sits in the corner- HASHTAG SABOTAGE! Who knows where I got that from? Anyone? If you do, we're BFF's!

~Star out


	20. Sincerely, Jin

** Dear Fanfiction 20**

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm not that old. My grandmother is still alive. Also, I like smart girls. I don't like girls who are wild and crazy. From time to time I'll have fun. But remember, I'm busy with work.

Also, if we get married, you won't be hearing about my first wife. Maybe if we become good friends, I'll tell you. What?

Do you expect me to be like: "Hey, did you know that I had a 1st wife, and if she never died, I probably wouldn't be having children with you?"

It's so idiotic.

Please, stop making the main character faint every twelve seconds just to come see me. She's (or he's in some weird cases) a farmer. Why the Harvest Goddess did she take the job with such low stamina? If she gives me the "saving the Harvest Goddess" excuse, I'm sending her into rehab.

Sincerely, Jin

p.s Why am I suddenly related to Van the merchant?

* * *

Star: Sorry it's been a while! I got this request some time ago, and I just found out how I could do it. Jin, get in the van. I don't have Van the merchant. I have Van your son. MWUAHAHA –chokes-

~Star out


	21. Sincerely, The Harvest Goddess

Dear Fanfiction 20

Dear Fanfiction,

Hurry up and save me! Hurry up save me! Hurry up and save me! I-iii! Just want to feel alive-

Have you ever heard someone sing like an angel? Well that's me. Except I'm a goddess. Same thing.

Taaaaadaaaaa!

Also, don't worry about my "rivalry" with Witch Princess. It won't affect the towns people. But at times, the islands do tend to get weak, or I tend to be in danger. I'm not always sunshine and flowers.

That's why I give the gift to see Harvest Goddess and sprites to a random main land citizen and force them into farming to save an island, village, or valley they have never even heard of.

Also, do you think I'd so suddenly leave my pond to live with the boy I just met twelve hours ago? Nuh uh. I wouldn't even marry the Harvest King. That's just wrong. First of all, you have to save the Island, ring all 5 bells and save the Harvest King, save the tree, or you could do it the easier way.

Catch all the different species of fish, including the 6 Kings  
Ship at least 1 of every shippable item  
Collect all 9 of the Goddess Jewels and receive the Gem of Goddess  
Own the Big Bed for your home  
Dig up every type of item from the Lake Mine  
Dig up every type of item from the Spring Mine  
Be in your 5th year (or later) on the farm  
Ask Carter for permission to "Marry the HG" during his Confessional times

Don't forget to unlock all the heart events. If not, I won't love your Gary Stu character. I'd rather marry the Mary Sue you made out of Witch Princess… wait a second.

Okay, Alan! Cleanup on the lake!

Sincerely, the Harvest Goddess

p.s TAAAADAAAAA

* * *

Star: As I was writing this I realized the Harvest Goddess is always different. In some games she is cheery, in others she is serious. This was a request and idea from TheSoundofMusic. I thought it was pure gold… Chen get in the van, I have Charlie… also money.

~Star out


End file.
